Four Questions to Ask Before You Quit
I asked a pastor last week what kind of impact COVID had on he and his church. He mentioned the same challenges most pastors faced; political divide, anger over masking (or not masking), and discord over when and where to gather as a church. His response, however, was unique. "It didn't impact me personally all that much, I embrace conflict." While I envy his perspective, he's the first pastor I've met who seems to have emerged from 2020 unscathed. Many pastors find themselves questioning their choice of vocation in the aftermath of the past few years.
Its not just the pandemic that can shake your confidence in your calling. I've talked recently with several pastors who are adding up the toll of ministry on their families, their finances and their health, and wondering if its time to call it quits and find another way to make a living. Over my 40 years of ministry I've wrestled with that questions many times, stepping away from vocational ministry during seasons when I felt like I just couldn't continue to pay the price.
When I am struggling to continue in vocational ministry here four questions I ask myself before throwing in the towel:
1. Do I need rest?
Lately I’ve been spending time as a mentor pastor at The Retreat at Church Creek where we gather with a small group of pastors for rest, connection, and genuine fellowship. One of the common threads among the pastors is exhaustion. Their body, mind, and soul are desperate for rest.
Our need for rest is hardwired into our nature. When Adam asked God what was on the agenda his second day on earth, God said, “We’re going to take the day off.” When Elijah resigned from his prophet gig, God knew that what he really needed was rest: a nap and a cookie. I love Eugene Peterson’s paraphrase of Jesus’ promise of rest in Matthew 11:28-30.
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
Do you relate to Peterson’s first line, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion?” Then get some rest before throwing in the towel. Here are a couple of great resources for rest:
From Full Strength Network a list of inexpensive/free places where pastors can get away for rest.
Pepperdine University has put together a great framework for rest within a Christian framework
2. How is it with my soul?
Sometimes its not just ministry that is hard, it is my own soul that has calcified. I can focus so much on preparing sermons, counseling people, and putting out fires that I forget to follow Christ. When I am looking for the exit I try to do a soul check before handing in my resignation. For me that means answering these soul care questions:
Am I consistently reading scripture for personal growth rather than just for sermon preparation?
Am I spending time in focused prayer, or just grabbing a few minutes here and there?
Am I feeding my soul spiritual food, or a constant diet of media, news, and gossip?
Am I fasting? Giving generously? Practicing Sabbath? Serving?
3. Am I in community with other pastors?
I can’t trust my mind when I am isolated; I make stuff up, I blow things out of proportion, and I create entire scenarios that never happened, and then get depressed about these situations that don't actually exist. Connect with other pastors calms my inner idiot and keeps me mostly sane.
Why other pastors? Because they have been through similar situations, they have faced similar temptations, and they are used to telling people things they don't want to hear. Other pastors can encourage me to stay in the game, or help me know when it really is time to step away. I would never make a serious decision about ministry without consulting my community of pastors.
4. Where am I finding joy?
Joy can be elusive; it doesn’t just show up and hang around like an uninvited guest. When joy does show up, pastoral ministry often chases joy out of the house. When I am discouraged in ministry I have to intentionally look for joy wherever I can find it. I find joy
Hanging out with my kids and grandkids
Eating a good meal with my wife
Walking in the Rocky Mountains near where I live
Watching my favorite sports (March Madness anyone?)
Let’s finish with another version of Jesus’ words in Matthew 11
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
If the yoke and burden of ministry aren’t easy and light, either Jesus wasn’t being truthful or I am doing it wrong. To quote the modern theologian Taylor Swift, “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem.” I don’t need to quit ministry, I need to return to the basics.
I hope that’s helpful. Hang in there!
